Did people actually like this movie?
I wanted to enjoy it; I really did. I like Seth Rogen, and I love director Michel Gondry's Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but this movie here, this.... Words can't adequately express my disappointment at every aspect of the film:
Directing - not great. Not the worst thing about the film, but not great. BUT THERE WAS 3D!!!1!!
Script - atrocious. Things either made too much sense or not nearly enough.
Acting - Rogen is abysmal; he spends 82% of the movie overacting (mostly in celebratory ways, expressing shock and awe at even the most mundane things. COFFEE?!) and the rest underacting. A very uneven and grating "performance".
The Buddy System - I usually like buddy movies (though let's go back a few years, since the current crop has been all over the place) but there was no chemistry between Rogen and the nearly unintelligible Jay Chou (You like Costco music?)
The Hot Chick - Blech. Though, to her "credit", she was not, by a longshot, the worst part of the film. I think this is largely due to her lack of screen time. Though she is following the "Uh-huh. She can totally pull off playing a ___________ (but really not)" à la Denise Richards as an astrophysicist or Reese Witherspoon as a professional softball player. (Diaz is a journalist/investigative something-or-other... I couldn't tell you because it took her 10 minutes to finish the sentence.)
The Dialogue - Couldn't. Care. Less. Couldn't. Follow. A. Damn. Thing.
The Villain - Christoph Waltz is underused, boring, and a transparent caricature of a villain. He wasn't even really villainous. Nice job, everybody, making him look all terrible and shit!
And that's about it. A steaming pile of why I don't watch "superhero" movies. If I missed something good, please let me know. It may have been in the minutes I: fell asleep, let the dog out, went to the bathroom, pretended I had something to do in the bathroom just to get away from the television, or concentrated much too carefully on the almonds I was eating to give me some respite from the inanity that was on the TV.
On second thought, if I missed something good, keep it to yourself. I don't wanna know.
Score: 3/10
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